Children's Behavior

It is very clear that from the time your baby is born until they graduate from college, they are never ending developing and growing not only physically, but also cognitively, socially, and emotionally. For many children , these skills develop in predictable ways and are often described by healthcare professionals as reaching developmental milestones.

Some children will reach these milestones early and some will get to them a little later and, something crucial to understand is that is all OK. Everyone including us adults are unique and develops and grows at our own pace. However, monitoring your child's development and behavior patterns is useful because it can help you determine when something is amiss—or atypical.

Below you will learn to recognize the differences between typical and atypical behavior in children at each age. With this information, you can identify potential issues and discuss them with your pediatrician or the appropriate school personnel so that your child can receive early intervention, therapy, or even medications if needed.

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Typical vs. Atypical Behavior

Children develop cognitive, motor, social, emotional, and speech and language skills from the time they are born through their late adolescent years. When this process is typical, that means they are progressing at a rate that is expected for their age range.

Generally, experts will track development in five categories: social, emotional, physical, cognitive, and language. "Experts summarize behaviors into three categories which include the early years (0-8), the school-age years (8-12), and the teen years (13-18)," she continues.

Atypical progression, on the other hand, occurs when the child develops behind their peers or displays behaviors that are not considered typical for their age. Even children that progress rapidly—or are "gifted" in some way—are considered atypical. Atypical simply means that the child's development or behavior is outside of what is common for their particular age or developmental stage.

Typical School-Age Behavior

Grade school Children are learning to take on more responsibility, so it is only natural that they want more freedom than they can handle. And while it is important to encourage their independence, they will likely still need your guidance when it comes to doing chores and completing their homework. They also need a little help in dealing with uncomfortable emotions.

School-aged children also are now forming friendships and social circles. Typical behavior includes exploring other interests that may seem to arise out of nowhere. Children at this age are also starting to get a sense of their own identity since can often engage in 'following' behaviors and may do or say things that their friends are doing or saying.

School-aged children are also learning the more intricate rules of social norms like becoming aware of cultural and family differences and the struggles of friendships. They may even experiment with lying.

Atypical behaviors in school-age children may include feeling more comfortable with younger children (rather than their current classroom friends), the inability of drawing pictures, getting easily distracted, showing frequent aggressiveness with no provocation, or being unable to follow single to two step instructions. It also would be considered atypical if a child has withdrawn from peers.

However, it is time to take action, especially getting a healthcare professional involved if a child has an intense dislike for school or if they seem disinterested in material and cannot concentrate in school. At the same time, if they are not making academic or social gains in terms of making even one friend it is best to address the issue before it becomes pervasive.

How to Handle Atypical Behavior

It can be challenging to know what to do about atypical behavior in your child. But, the first step is acknowledging that an issue might exist and then reaching out for help.

"One of the biggest challenges parents face is the question: 'When should I worry about my child’s emotions, behaviors, and development?'" says Dr. Egger. "It can be difficult to know what your child’s behaviors or emotions are typical or atypical."

In general, Dr. Egger recommends that you look for an emotion or behavior change that persists, is intense, is pervasive across settings and most of the day, and is not markedly improved through your interventions. Here are some other things to consider when determining if your child's behavior is atypical.

Look at the Impact

When you are trying to determine whether to be concerned, Dr. Egger suggests looking at the impact your child's behaviors have on their life and their ability to do age-appropriate activities like going to school, doing homework, and maintaining friendships.

"We are not surprised that preschoolers have tantrums when they are frustrated and tired," she says. "They are beginners in learning these skills. However, when an older child has fits of rage, we are more concerned because their behavior does not reflect our developmental expectations at that age."

If your child's behaviors are impacting their day-to-day life or the lives of others, it is important to acknowledge this and ask for help. For Instance, getting in trouble at school or fighting at recess may indicate an underlying behavior disorder or even a learning disability, Dr. Anderson says.

Consider the Context

According to Dr. Egger, the context of the situation matters, too. Think about the short-term events that might explain your child’s changes in emotions and/or behavior as well as the larger context in which it occurred.

"Perhaps, your child has been sick, there is a new baby in the house, you have recently moved, or are returning from a family vacation," she says. "It is expected that children will experience short disruptions when there is a new expectation or a change in routine. What is important is to see if your child is adapting to the change and returning to their typical behavior and emotions."

Andrea Werner, OTD-R, an occupational therapist suggests writing down the behavior and the context in which it occurs. The most well-known and easy-to-use framework for documenting the behavior are the "ABCs of Behavior," she says.

According to Werner, A stands for antecedent—note what was happening before the behavior. B stands for behavior—list in detail the behavior which concerns you. C stands for consequence—document what happens after the behavior occurs. This way, you have a record to share with mental health professionals or healthcare providers.

Remember Their Age

Some behaviors are typical at certain ages and atypical at others. When trying to determine if your child's troubling behavior is an issue or not, make sure you also consider their age.

"For example, defiance is a behavior that is normal under some circumstances and at certain ages but atypical and problematic in others," says Faye Walkenfeld, PhD. "A 3- or 4-year-old who is trying to establish independence and does not yet fully understand other’s perspectives might throw a tantrum when told they are not allowed to play another game until they put away the toys they are currently playing with. However, the same reaction by a 10-year-old would be considered problematic.

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